X

USING COERCION

Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt another - threatening to leave, to commit suicide, to report them to welfare - making them drop charges - making them do illegal things.

X

USING INTIMIDATION

Making another afraid by using looks, action, gestures - smashing things - destroying property - abusing pets - displaying weapons (such as knives).

X

USING EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Putting down - making them feel bad about themself - calling names - making them think they are crazy - playing mind games - humiliating them - making them feel guilty

X

USING ISOLATION

Controlling what another does, who they see and talk to, what they read, where they go - limiting their outside involvement - using jealousy to justify actions

X

MINIMIZING DENYING & BLAMING

Making light of the abuse and not taking recipient’s concerns about it seriously - saying the abuse didn’t happen - shifting responsibility for abusive behaviour - saying they caused it

X

USING CHILDREN

Making (ex) partner feel guilty about the children - using the children to relay messages - using visitation to harass - threatening to take the children away

X

USING GENDER PRIVILEGE

Treating the other like a servant - making all the big decisions - acting like the ‘Master of the castle’ or ‘Mistress of the house’ - being the one to define male and female roles

X

USING ECONOMIC ABUSE

Preventing them from getting or keeping a job - making them ask for money - giving them an allowance - taking their money - not letting them know about or have access to family income

X

NEGOTIATION AND FIRMNESS

Seeking Mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict - accepting change - being willing to compromise

X

NON-THREATENING BEHAVIOUR

Talking and acting so that others feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves doing things

X

RESPECT

Listening to others non-judgementally - being emotionally affirming and understanding - valuing opinions

X

TRUST AND SUPPORT

Supporting other’s goals in life - respecting their right to their own feelings, friends, activities and opinions

X

HONESTY AND ACCOUNTABILITY

Accepting responsibility for self - acknowledging past use of violence - admitting being wrong - communicating openly and truthfully

X

RESPONSIBLE PARENTING

Sharing parental responsibilities - being a positive non-violent role model for children

X

SHARED RESPONSIBILITY

Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work - making family decisions together

X

ECONOMIC PARTNERSHIP

Making money decisions together - making sure both partners benefit from financial agreements

Resources